Willy Wonka, but bad
The recently-random bits.
Dear readers, spring is seemingly upon us and in typical American fashion, the Yanks have gone and jumped ahead of the Euros by three weeks in springing their clocks an hour forward this past weekend. Showoffs.
Or is it that the Euros are just too traditional and sticking to the “old ways” which were introduced in the ancient times of WWII and yet officially ended in 2021 without actually ending? Apparently, this is known as Schrödinger’s Sleep Deprivation and such discussions are for cooler heads not stuck in the middle of hay fever season that’s arrived early, but with some many pretty blossoms, oh the blossoms.
In a true US-Euro crossover, apparently George Clooney will be releasing a French Rosé, while at the same time, a French Rosé will be releasing a George Clooney. Let's see which one gets an Oscar nomination.
You know how you can go and check out an airplane ticket price, go back and it’s suddenly ten times more expensive? That’s called “surge pricing” and it exists to confirm that the world does indeed suck a big one. In horrible news that no one needed, apparently the hamburger chain, Wendy’s will also be introducing surge pricing for reason that are yet unknown to even the highest of beings.
Ever wonder what will happen when AI gets into the wrong(er) hands? Thankfully it's not smart enough to give us a Bond villain yet, but just a truly shitty "Willy Wonka Experience" that required jelly bean rationing and the scambag organizer somehow thinking this wouldn't get on to the internet despite it being exactly the content people are looking for and our quickly-devolving Habsburg AI will eat up.
From our Desk Down Under comes word that all that G’Day fun in Australia has turned in Good God! as they begin to address their massive wine glut and tear out millions of vines. While that may sound like a lot to mere mortals, in Australia, it’s little more than a suburban backyard.
You know how it is. Your car gets stuck in the snow up in the mountains because you went up to see this ‘huge' storm the news wouldn't shut up about, panic sets in and then one of the guys in your group of five remembers he’s got some dope substàncies estupefaents which it seemed like a good idea to pound. (CAT) As we all know, such adventures never, ever make it to the news. ‘Estupefaents’…
Hot from the Bureau of Extreme Calendaring, comes a piece on the merits of pairing dessert wines with dark chocolate. This set off the loudest of alarms bells given that it’s a touch too late for Valentine’s Day and far, far too early for Halloween, leaving this piece in a chocolate-y void of its own making.
And again another piece on how red wine has lost its health halo to which the CdC responds in a bureau-wide, intern-included declaration, yet again: Do you seriously think we were drinking wine for its health benefits?!!
In what shouldn’t be any shock at this point, apparently US Supreme Court judge, Samuel “Suck It” Alioto was up drinking $1,000 bottles of wine at a big meal in Alaska. It’s hard to believe the man can find the time for such a trip what with his packed agenda of taking away established rights.
Direct from our In Flight Division comes another piece of surprise-us-not news, a flight from London to Ibiza New Jersey was diverted due to a pair of “intoxicated passengers”. Clearly some people can’t contain the Jersey Energy until they land, sheesh. No word if it was a Boeing jet but as it safely landed after the diversion, probably not.
Of course British cuisine is the best in the world. Probably pairs well with dessert wines as well.
On the other hand, British news headlines are actually the best in the world and high marks must be given for the BBC's well-made headline of a toilet paper spill ‘clogging’ a Californian highway.
Until we meet again, up in the cul of the cuvée.