14 August 2021

The recently-random bits.

This bar is actually on fire

In one of the stranger headlines to grace the interwebs as of late, a sommelier in New York City has been charged with arson and no, it wasn't just cute arson (if such a thing exists), but targeted arson, burning down the outside structures of competitors. And here we thought we were getting to the other side of this.

Shampalampa hoy hoy

What does one do when one runs out of Champagne at one's summer home in The Hamptons? Clearly, one then brings it to oneself on chartered planes with a look on one's face that says, "Does anything pair better with Champagne than me?"

Paired down

In yet another guide to food and wine pairing, the authors overlook the simple trick that to pair them properly, you put the food in your mouth and then you put the wine in your mouth. And then you realize that the inevitable passage of time will crush us into the dust of oblivion.

Clear as mud

Does natural wine confuse you? Does it enrage you? Does it make you think, "Gosh darn it, why can't there just be a school where I learn about these things in a friendly, non-judgy fashion?" Well, apparently there is a school now, but the first lesson is: "Why everyone else's wine sucks so much".

Clear as... Covid?

Students have been understandably disappointed that they will not be tasting wine in a wine appreciation class. Perhaps they might enjoy learning about natural wine instead and if not, fuck off and keep drinking poison!

"Wiking"...

It's mixing "wine" with "hiking". Some may be thinking, I feel like we don't need this word. These people might feel as if some people already does this and they'd be correct as it's called crawling back from the pub after a Saturday bender.

Booze in the USA

For Americans worried they've been drinking too much, never fear! Unless you're in Wisconsin in which case, dial it back a bit as you're making North Dakota look good. Damn North Dakota, you're all hot and sexy now that you're not the #1 drunk state!

Sins be good?

Hot on the news about wine being very very good for you apparently we can now add cheese and coffee to the list as well. Clearly, in this day and age of what used to be bad becoming good, cocaine and beef jerky will shortly come up tops be in a study of recommended consumables--if taken in moderation.

IHOP you've done it again

Proving that they're not just for breakfast and breaking down meal-related stereotypes, American legend, the International House of Pancakes will now be serving booze. This will be heavy news however to those who go to IHOP in order to sober up after a long night of "wiking".

Le vin dit poutain!

In unsurprising yet still sad news to hear, France's wine production will be at historic lows, with potentially 30% less across the whole country. This may be the year the United States breaks into the Top Three and they'll totally be modest about that 'cause that's what the US does.