19 December 2023
So, here at CdC HQ (or as we call it internally, “têtequarters”) we’d just like to get in front of what we view to be some baseless accusations being directed at us by those who exist in the void where fun goes to die.
Sure, you may hear about the lubed baby alligator wrestling, edible-induced cake decorating, python shots, and um, other “entertainment” but we just want to say that CdC office parties are legendary in a way that only Leah Rudick’s wealthy woman can understand. We shall say little more on the topic, but gentlepeople, this is the game and it, is afoot.
Also afoot is the fact that somewhere in the world exists a place where complimentary Negronis are a thing. It turns out that Belinda Carlisle was right all the way back in 1987 as, heaven IS a place called earth, as long as there are complimentary Negronis.
Continuing to speak of Negronis, we’re gonna gaze deeply into the booze-soaked crystal ball until we get a contact high (also popular at the office party) and say that the must-sip cocktail for 2024 will definitely be the "French" Negroni or perhaps the Boulevardier "With a Kick". Why? Because Italy's Campari bought out France's Cognac, Courvoisier for about 1.2 billion buckos. All that booze ain’t gonna move itself without a few well-bought “mixologists” shakin’ up some virals.
Big news in from The Word Front as the Court of Master Sommeliers has dropped using ‘New’ & ‘Old’ World to categorize wines which will both frustrate and relieve those who memorize The Grid for tastings. We should all just be thankful that they never implemented the Low Shithole, Medium Shithole, High Shithole country indicators they’d talked about during the Exam Junta in the 1960s. Instead, they went with, “Climate”.
Christmas is just a week away so if you’re at that point where you’re struggling in your gift purchases, may we suggest for that gastronomic cokehead on your list, 11 tonnes of cocaine smuggled into Spain with frozen tuna?
Despite being on absolutely no one’s gift list, the paella “croquettes” have arrived in the UK… While some outraged Iberians suggested retaliation by selling “fish and chips soaked in tea”, one could argue that the selling of any canonically-original English dish in Spain or the European Continent at large would land one directly in The Hague.
Looking to American high-altitude dining, for those who believe that upper-end food and wine (chosen by master sommeliers) on flights is "the best it’s ever been", you may want to back that Reality Truck aaaallll the way up and check out the economy class on say, Singapore Airlines, Air France, or just about any proper non-American airline. Admittedly, the Frontier Airlines, "Eggo waffle, costing around $5" does set mouths watering in a way it feels very, very dirty.
Supposedly the question on everyone’s minds is, can Paris be ready for the Olympics next year? The reality however is more like, is the rest of Europe ready for all the Parisians who will be ditching the French capital to go literally anywhere else, scoffing at how the food and wine lack that certain “finesse”? But hey, now you can swim in the Seine.
Hot off the Desk of Karma & Stuff, we’re reminded that if you assault a Chipotle worker, then you could very well end up working in a Chipotle. Why? Because it seems we were all wrong and in addition to heaven being a place on earth, there IS a god and its name, is Schadenfreude.
We know you said didn’t you want anything for Christmas, but Argentine football legend, Lionel Messi has a new line of signature wines, sourced from mostly generic regions across Italy and marketed by a company in Switzerland. Only people fully stocked on the Jon Bon Rosé from Hampton Water could say ‘no gracias’ to this gift (available to purchase online) from the GOAT!
In a case of Coravin… to the Extreme!, counterfeiters in China have drilled holes into the bottles of moutai (baijiu from a specific locale) to refill them with cheaper booze. On a very important added note, Riedel has their official, “Knock-off Moutai” glasses available just in time for the holiday season.
For this guy who got on a flight with no passport nor ticket (but hey, liquids in a clear bag, people!), his statement that he, "might have had a plane ticket" is undoubtedly what every passenger thinks before they get on a Ryanair flight only to find a Hieronymus Bosch hellscape confront them. He might have gotten away with his freeloader flight had he not "attempted to eat the chocolate that belonged to members of the cabin crew". Additional CdC newsworthy note: Scandinavian cabin crews apparently have their own chocolate supplies on flights.
Lastly, something called, ‘Threads’ is now available in the EU which, when logging in, has all the vibe of the lights coming up after last call, but without any buzz and a lot more cockroach action. The CdC would like to emphasize that we’ll be staying right here for the time being, thank you Mr. Metaberg. The office parties are after all, far better.
Palate Cleanser
According to Tatty Macleod's Winter Math, "If I don't gain weight over the holidays then technically I've lost weight.”
Until we meet again, up in the cul of the cuvée.