19 June 2021

The recently-random bits.

Wand This

Just in time for whatever time of year it is that you need to buy a wine gadget for someone you'd rather not think about (like your father) comes La Varita, the "magic" sulfite wand. As we all know, sulfites are the cause of your headaches and not the harder to understand biogenic amines. Details are scarce but apparently La Varita is powered by a mix of the bullshitticum infused with the gullibilatrax compound. Your kilometerage may vary.

Thank you, drink again

Catching up to their European counterparts, 7-11, the dynamic chain of US minimarts with gas stations attached that totally wiped the Circle K off the face of the planet, are now offering box wine. Apparently, they were also going to have in-store sommeliers for advising people, but are still working their way through the overabundance of applications.

Hold my glass

There has apparently been a great deal of confusion as to how to hold a wine glass lately and--it's by the stem! It's by the damned stem! No stem? Then the glass should be placed in one's teeth.

AVA Maria?

News has come down that new American Viticultural Areas (or AVAs to the cool peeps) have been approved in Washington including: White Bluffs and The Burn. Picking up on the "snap" of the latter's name, also in the works are others in the Pacific Northwest including: Oily Discharge, Ringworm, and Trump Sex Tape.

I Carignan, can you?

In a rare demonstration of tasty, a Carignan wins best in show. Sure, it was spelled as "Carignane" and the entries totaled "just under" 400 wines, but it was the best because Carignan is the best and if you don't know that already, go suck a Cab Sauv.

Here canny can

Lastly, a couple of canned wines. No reason, just that some people really hate canned wines and there keep being more of them, so let's just drink some randos and be done with it.