"Attempting humor"
New year, new freedom.
Yes, the CdC has been unshackled from our more-or-less benign overlords at Hudin.com which allows us to stretch our legs and talk even more in the third person than we did before as our lawyers tell us that it removes all liability from future transgressions except apparently not paying our lawyers.
What will we do with the newfound freedom besides accepting that in the future, we’ll all be drinking much more water formerly known as poo? Well, we’re gonna have some contributors here because the sound of one hand clapping sounds… weird. That’s right there will be other people on the CdC, “attempting humor”.
And perhaps you’re wondering, where on earth the whole CdC came from? Even if you didn’t there’s a History page documenting the never-ending, unstoppable rise of our digital greatness.
Despite said greatness, we are human and take breaks. So, while the CdC was on holiday, it was time for the Three Kings in Spain which of course meant it was time for the annual blackface non-apologies as random white guys put on makeup and "speak with an accent" to portray Balthazar who is (from the 15th century onwards) the African king. Mention the folly of this to most Spaniards and they get very screamy very fast saying that it's tradition, much like throwing a goat off the village church belltower and who are you to tell them otherwise?!! Tradition!
The New Year then started off with something actually arriving early to Barcelona Sants train station. Unfortunately it wasn't a form of mass transport but the single transport of a mother giving birth (CAT) early on one of the platforms.
Also for the New Year, a few prisoners got very testy about their short Prosecco pours (IT) in Italy—seriously, do they think they’re on a plane flight? So when you think there's not enough wine in the Prosecco Bargain Bucket at Happy Hour, things could indeed be worse.
If you’ve popped out during Dry January to pick up non-booze provisions and thought, “Dang, why’d the olive oil get so pricey?” There is very much a reason why and don’t say we didn’t warn you because we did and if went and invested your money in crypto instead of olive oil futures (aka bottles of olive oil) that’s on you, bucko.
Of course, if you’re partaking in Dry January, but doing the “Half-Dry” version, you could always head to Miami for half a drink… at the same great price of $21, before tip.
But why go get a stubby cocktail, when it seems that we’re happier when we drink wine? If you need proof, look no further than Marcos Alberti's "Wine Project". When put into the Index of Britney Songs, we appear to transform from “Toxic” to “Oops I did it Again” in but a scant three glasses of wine. Silly humans, when will we ever learn.
Since last Thanksgiving (both Canadian & American), all we’ve been hearing about in the media is people aren’t drinking wine anymore and what on earth are we gonna do about it? Well, France’s largest wine region, Languedoc is doing its fair share in dealing with this reduced wine consumption by... having a 15% smaller harvest in 2023?
Also, do you like Languedoc wine? Like truffles? If you're a "yes, please" on both of those, then get yer booty to the region on 4 February for their local truffle fest. If however you're a negative on the wine and the fungi... then what the hell are you doing reading this rag?!
Shit Fallin’ Off Trucks returns! This fine episode sees a truck full of Mahou beer (known as may-hoo in the UK) gettin’ the pavement treatment just outside of Zaragoza.
Speaking of the UK, Brexit has given… (checks notes), um, blue passports (which Croatians who are in the EU & Eurozone & Schengen already have) but now, more importantly, wine is legally available in pint bottles! A pint (British Imperial 20oz, not American flaccid 16oz) is 568ml in size which is clearly soooo different from the 500ml bottles that already exist. As summarized by Minister Kevin Hollinrake, "…we can seize new opportunities and provide a real boost to our great British wineries and further growing the economy." Thank god as some were saying economic stagnancy was setting in due to things like an antiquated power grid. Silliness!
Not to miss a beat, crack drinks journalist,
wrote up a fine piece which looks at the stark reality of wine in pints but fails to note all the benefits of the blue passport which seems a missed opportunity.Hot off the Old-Ass Presses, French types have apparently unearthed an ancient winery in the Rhône (FR) from the 1st century BCE. When asked for comment, the Georgian taxi driver waiting outside Tbilisi airport to shake down Russian deserters patriots looked down at his shoes, shook his head in a sullen, rueful manner to mumble, nearly inaudible through his cigarette, “Well… it’s not 8,000 years old now, is it?”
In this day and age, it's great see that there are companies who care. Companies that think, let's make a Bourbon in the US, then ship it over to the UK and then ship it back to the US to sell. Because, as we all know, only real men want to drink a whiskey that says, “this carbon footprint, stomps”. If that doesn’t wet your whistle then maybe the phrase, “Kentucky provenance, English character” will.
To show that one can do just like Seedlip did a few years ago and sell the public on horrible-tasting water at a premium price, alcohol-free Whiteclaw 0% is out in the wild. Do stay inside for the time being however as law enforcement has yet to arrive.
Law enforcement did however arrive in Spain where disgraced sommelier and wine judge, Guillermo Cruz’s conviction has been upheld for stealing wine from his previous employer, Mugaritz in the Basque Country. He’s now going to jail for two years and ordered to repay over 22,000€ as well as legal costs for the court and Mugaritz. While this will probably mean that Cruz’s wine project he had the cojones to introduce during the legal proceedings will go on hold for a bit, he could easily land on his feet if he heads off to join Rudy Kurniawan’s new scam enterprise.
And lastly, for everyone who hates math, just remember that wine math is the best math, for everyone.
Palate Cleanser
We pretty much all knew it, but someone is finally saying it. Tea in UK? Good lord what a life saver that was (and still is in Russia).
Also, it may not seem like it if you read the current affairs, but there’s clearly hope for humanity yet as small plates are over! Small wine pours however result in less wine consumed which is good or bad depending upon which side of the bar you’re on.
Until we meet again, up in the cul of the cuvée.