27 May 2023
The recently-random bits.
We open this issue of the CdC with everyone’s favorite topic: scandal! This comes in the form of a ‘prestigious’ wine magazine awarding a Gold Medal to to a 2.50€ supermarket wine. Who is the awarding offender? None other than Gilbert et Gaillard whose motto is basically, French name on the cover, wonky English inside. As they claim to have been “Awarding Excellence for 30 Years”, how were they fooled by such a shoddy wine? Because, to misquote the Simpsons, there are medals and then “medals”. How does a wine drinker know the difference? A key tell is if there are no points given with the medal because it’s very easy to claim whatever you want. Like this glass of tap water I’m drinking right now, I hereby declare it to be a “Platinum Medal” glass of water. Or my dog’s constant barking? That’s “Silver Medal” sonic disturbance right there.
In the Most Excellent News Department, Bill and Ted will be totally psyched to know that Circle K has now created an own brand label of wines. For those who need proof that the world is slowly righting itself since the madness of 2016, is this not enough for you?
Speaking of 2016, in the slow-breaking world of poo that’s post-Brexit let’s check in to see how things are going on the wine front and... yes, that's it, the UK is just about to hit Mad Max levels of anarchy due to scrapping those ‘totally-annoying’ EU regulations for wine production. On the plus side (as there’s always a plus side), this intended scrapping of sensibility could give piquette a new life that absolutely none of us were asking for.
While we’re on the subject of the UK, many thanks to Fake Booze for their coverage of the London Wine Fair which was finely summed up as a "golden age of misery".
From the Desk of Rightly So, Mike Desimone is calling things as they should be by mentioning that some of France’s best grape varieties are actually, um, Spanish.
Duck for cover, here comes some, Breaking News! Male wine bore disagrees about portrayal of male wine bores. Other male wine bores agree!
The New York Times, in their constant ability to keep deeply in touch with the American zeitgeist wrote an editorial piece calling for higher alcohol taxes. While most of their arguments do have a factual base, they ignore the fact that people don’t necessarily drink less if booze is more expensive. Instead, they buy a crappier quality booze because it’s all they can afford to wash away the misery of booze getting so expensive. And no, this is a very different type of closed-loop system than regenerative viticulture.
Hot off the Big Shrug Energy Desk is word that Meiomi (‘Somms hate us, but the normies love us!’) will continue to be the official wine of the PGA Tour using the actual slogan, “Drive your flavor forward” because it’s a golf tournament. And Meiomi has flavor. And… I was getting a bit optimistic about things getting better since 2016, wasn’t I?
For everyone thinking, “I’d really like an expensive wine device that’s bigger than a needle and smaller than an espresso machine.” well, Coravin has heard you with the launch of their brand new Vinitas system for gassin’ off wines into tubes to taste during all those Zoom tastings from two years ago.
In a great article about wine oversupply, Dudley Brown talks about how this issue isn't just in Spain as it's hitting Australia as well and despite millions being spent, they can't seem "market" their way out of the problem. Damn you, marketing!
Reconfirming that they've got that upper 80-point-drink category all stitched up, Brianne Cohen took a look at Trader Joe's current offer. For those of you not in the US and looking for similar wines in a European setting, head to literally any supermarket.
Lastly, I’d just like to say that ever since he played, "Neil Patrick Harris" in Harold & Kumar I have a hard time thinking there's anything Neil Patrick Harris is in that I won't enjoy watching except of course the last Matrix film, which was pretty lackluster, but that wasn't Neil Patrick's doing, because, wait for it, it wasn't. Oh, he has a rosé in a box and I very much want to try it. If any readers based Stateside feel like giving me the lowdown, I’ll feature your commentary in way that's only fitting—you know very well what I mean...
Until we meet again, up in the cul of the cuvée.