A case of the dumbs

The recently-random bits.

Hey kids!

Do you like to play board games when you're drinking, but they're just “too hard” because “you're drunk”? Well, you'll be happy to know that Scrabble is now available in a new inebriated Gen Z version for when you've got a case of the dumbs you just can’t shake.

From the country that claims curry as its “national dish” apparently, 25% of the population don't actually know where Champagne comes from with uncorroborated reports that “Greenland” and “Ohio” were the two most popular wrong guesses. Hey there, Pol Roger, see what happens you go an name a cuvée after a famous leader? This is the thanks you get!

From our Desk of Auras n’Shit comes word that if two glasses of wines makes you “more insightful”, then dammit, you just might be a psychic! You might also not be able to legally operate a motored vehicle, so don’t get too excited and drive off the road to your demise, which you should have seen coming, as you are were possibly a psychic!

For everyone considering a career in freelance journalism, you may be asking yourself, well golly, is it still a viable career? And the answer is, no. Big ass, writ large, N-O, don’t pass G-O, N-O. And who let you get a degree in the humanities like the entire staff of the CdC who are paid in salted peanuts and thankful for it?

Fresh from the Bureau of Are you Thinking what We’re Thinking? comes word that an “electric tongue” [ed. 10/10, no notes] was able to detect wine faults before a human panel was able to. So, are you thinking what we’re thinking? Because if you’re thinking, I would have loved to have seen that in action at the 2022 Bordeaux En Primeur campaign, then yes, you’re definitely thinking what we were thinking. If however you were thinking, how can I pick up one of these electric tongues? Go home, you’re drunk [ed. and in good company].

Apparently they’ve found a way to improve canned wines by getting rid of the “rotten egg” smell. Additional research has found that if you put wine in a glass bottle and use some form of “cork” to seal it, the problem vanishes with even less effort.

Oh wow, Russia has seized the largest winemaker in the country because yadda yadda, Russia, shit happens, yadda. Come for the Ukrainian borscht, stay for… the rest of your life… in prison.

White Claw has decided to start a new marketing campaign centered on the premise of, "We're still here and we don't suck nearly as much as you think you do! Come on, drink it! Only cucks don’t suck the Claw!" Early reports say that the press releases were apparently a “draft” version.

According to Tatty Macleod, an Englishman in France learned that the French do this really weird thing where after they’ve started a bottle of wine, they have a glass of two and then… they just stop drinking.

It appears that women are better at smelling the intricacies of whisky because… yeah, of course they are. If cavewoman Uhg had an under-developed palate and gathered toxic shit for her lovable hunter husband Baa, they all died! Nature, selected. How is this still a shock?

Bodega Quotanes has apparently made a Bicentennial Wine to honor the 200 years of Policía Nacional (ES) which… makes one wonder, what one earth do they have on Quotanes or is it that the winery just REALLY likes the Spanish national police?

And lastly, a word from the Courtesy Counter: don’t bring a damned drink over to a party unless you have personally vetted it. Also, no more Clos du Bois Chardonnay. We’ve got a backlog at the CdC HQ and it’s comin’ to your next shindig.

Until we meet again, up in the cul of the cuvée.