Go premium or go Canadian
The recently-random bits.
Did you ever wonder how to combine the arrogance of the sommelier craft with the moral superiority of natural wine? Oh? Not ever, even if you were dying from sobriety? Too bad because behold, it’s Gaggan II!
Their mandatory, unsubstitutable wine pairings are “a range” of non-interventionist wine types. In attempting to think about things, the head sommelier said, “Should we give in? But the point is then you’re going back to satisfying everybody.” And thank god they're not working in hospitality as their customers are not in fact ‘dining’, but are in fact, “...on a journey” in addition to spending 425€ on a meal in Bangkok. And before you ask, yes, there’s a bit of crying.
From our Bug-Eyed Emoji Bureau, we at the CdC have just learned that Champagne in a by-the-glass list costs $30 at some restaurants in the US. While Americans self-harming their dollar has made it slightly more attractive to visit the joint, these are just gold-plated toilet prices. No wonder the youths are goin' abstainer!
So... 'vabbing' comes to us by way of the dark hellscape that is short form video. It remains unknown as to whether 'assabbing' has shown similar results. Whatever you do, don’t be tempting to image search any of these and in fact even reading about them within 50m of a playground will probably see the police arriving in short order.
What happens when an aging chef enters his Howard Hughes phase and thinks that everyone is against him and those fiends, they’re all lying? Apparently you get a free meal with a tremendous side of three-starred weirdness.
To everyone thinking, “But... premiumization works in wine, just look at mega-premium giant, LVMH!” well, they’re cutting 10% of the workforce and not like DOGE, but in a practical kinda way. Why? ‘Cos premium ain’t selling and won’t be selling folks, that’s why. “Second Cheapest Wine” anyone? Well yes, but only if it’s the FFC “light wine collection”.
Our Croissants & Frites Fraud Department would like to ask if you think you’ve been served Chanin Blanc or a Borgondy in a Parisian restaurant? Chances are pretty good that it’s a yes and if so, you've been the recipient of rempoter or, ‘repotting’. Because, oui.
In case you’re too busy to watch a short form video due to the spike in vabbing content, rest assured, we all know a #8... “Let’s get wine!”
For all the fan who paid the $13,666 annual subscription fee to the New Wine Review, you’re going to be very upset that this wine publication no one knew about is joining an auction site no one knew about and will now have all their content free. Look forward to abundant, free wine whisky content in the future!
Clean energy has reached 40% of the world’s supply in 2024 which means we’ve arrived to the same level of clean energy as... the 1940s. As this is all quite depressing, let’s just blame AI because, oui.
For those moments when you think, “I don’t really want to think about wine, but I do want a wine”, there’s the Francis Ford Coppola line which says, “We heard you’d prefer not to think about what you drink!” And for all you lucky people who love summer, there’s now ‘Shimmer’ and ‘Vibrance’ which shockingly aren’t former backup dancers for Prince with new memoirs out, but are part of the “light wine collection”. This sounds totally stupendous and not at all like the dumping ground where the owners Delicato can stash the extra wine they have from closing their neighboring Virginia Dare winery.
Americans have discovered that their best weapon in this crazy world isn't a gun or a broken health system, but trying to pose as Canadians via a “Canadian lapel pin in her pocket” , saying ‘eh?’ more times than any Canadian actually would, and potentially shotgunning maple syrup while splitting wood via arms chiseled out of bronze clouds… oh, soorry. It remains to be seen if putting on this act of being very, very nice will come across as more or less Canuck or the plot of the next Stephen King novel, eh?
If you haven’t heard about ‘cottage core’, there might be a problem. Seems like you’d better get checked for a pulse by someone who we actually know is still alive, such as Keith Richards.
Barrels. Apparently they are the tea bags of the alcohol world. Much as with vabbing, do not search a single word in the previous sentence anywhere near anyone you love or your parents.
It turns out that rat sommeliers have shown they can distinguish between different grape varieties, but it’s not like they care as they’re just here for the rat-nat sparkling wines and perhaps, “getting more wine”.
In Blackpool, known for being the UK's saddest & most popular ‘hen and stag do’ capital, a husband and wife discovered that hotel staff believed they had a ‘crisp’ fetish and, misreading a request, opened up a couple of bags and dumped the crackly bits all over their bed. It resembled the scene of like what happens when Cannabis International discovers there’s a 24 hour Waitrose right next door to the conference hall and dude, the crisp man, has cometh.
And lastly from our Get AI The Fuck Out Of Everything Strike Team, everyone loves a summer reading list, especially with books that don't exist to read! It left book publicist,
asking, “Why am I even doing this for a living?” to which we’d like to answer, what a great time to be alive!Pass the Gin. No, no, not the pricey one, that other slightly cloudy one they use to clean the bar on Sunday mornings. That feels juuuuuuuust right.
In case you were wondering, the Chicago Sun-Times response gave all the vibes that a great many of their staff are tasked with printing out emails and ‘e-paper’ for a not insignificant portion of rest of the staff.
Until we meet again, up in the cul of the cuvée.