Spicy Danes & Dollycetto. This will do.

The recently-random bits.

What’s the biggest news of the day? Well of course that would be the “former popstar” Justin Timberlake getting arrested for driving drunk in The Hamptons which is about as white as a human being can be before spontaneously combusting.

Beyond all the shade dumped on JTLake inferring that all his glories have now passed him by, this usually establishes the five-year mark before a comeback tour, followed by another five years later wherein a biopic will be made in which he's played by Joaquin Phoenix or whoever the most “intense” and completely-unwatchable actor of that particular moment will be.

The debate about scores for wines has come back yet again, but in the most unlikely of ways. For everyone who thinks that all systems are too complicated, Rachel Parris has come up with the ultimate two-star system of “This is nice” and “This will do”.

But, what IS happening in that herd of elks over there? Is it? No. Could it be? Impossible. But it moves just like one. Is that in fact, a don—”No, one here but us elks, please.”

Parton’s Pinot? Dollycetto? Caberparnet? Sweet Summer Saperavi? Riesling 9 to 5? No, none of the above clearly as they went with “Dolly Wines” when launching Dolly Parton’s signature line of wines as a marketing department decided that opportunities were most definitely going to be missed. May the CdC suggest some alternatives?

From the Bureau of Beakers & Science-y Lookin’ Shit comes word that a company is working on a “hops aroma” for non-alcoholic beer. Should we inform them that beer already has rather low alcohol and should be left un-fucked with or let them blow through their 7€ million? Probably the latter if it will stop them from harming beer any further.

It turns out that the ‘MD’ of high school favorite black-out hooch that allows you to still feel a hangover from decades previous, does not actually stand for "Mad Dog". This will of course disappoint many who thought that drinking Mad Dog 20/20 Peaches & Cream was somehow a salute to Prince, but is in fact, just enjoying a glass of “Mogen David”. Next thing we're going to learn is that Snoop Dogg is in fact, not a canine.

It seems that while the Danes may be the happiest second happiest people in the world (shifty Finns), they just can’t handle the spice as a ramen is being recalled due to the issue of it “being too spicy”. While everyone is poking fun at the Danes’ weak spice threshold, had this happened in Spain, people would have actually died from spice-induced flavor shock.

Hot off the Desk of Dreary Facts, apparently only 11% of Brits know wtf pét-nat is. This is however tremendous news to pét-nat pushers who had thought the percentage numbers to be in the low fraction-of-ones.

The cooperative winery of Les Vignerons de Buzet is in bankruptcy proceedings due to a 36€ million debt, which, based upon previous cooperative knowledge by the crack team at the CdC is tooooootally not due to someone embezzling funds, although they’re attempting to Pull a Bordeaux in saying, “we produced more than we could sell”.

If you're worried about having access to dong-related or generally crap merch when pawing through the seedy underworld that is Barcelona's souvenir market, then act fast as they're looking to ban anything deemed “tacky” which will probably lead to a complete souvenir ban in Barcelona. “You may take our Mexican sombreros, but you won’t take our freedom!”

Have you ever woken up in the game of Cluedo to find that you’ve been poisoned with arsenic by your butler in the study again? Damnit! What to do? Drink booze apparently!

And lastly, they’ve unearthed what is thought to be the oldest wine still in a liquid form (ES) down in Sevilla which has been certified to be 2,000 years old.

Our Tbilisi taxi driver happened to be on holiday in neighboring Cádiz at the time of the discovery and rushed up to Sevilla, tasted the wine and said, “1,000 years, maybe, but 2,000 years, I doubt, and definitely it’s no 8,000 years.” With that, he dropped the microphone which someone had mistakenly handed him and headed outside for a smoke.

Until we meet again, up in the cul of the cuvée.