The Drink of The Summer is non-alcoholic wine

The recently-random bits.

Well hellooooo there!

Shall we all reach up and embrace the sun? We at the CdC say a most emphatic yes, especially from those way down in our Department of Hell Freezing Over as it appears a mid-octogenarian wine critic is, wait for it, retiring! Or at least stepping back from wine reviewing to work on his memoir…

And of course from the slow-breaking news of the decline of Western Civilization, a once-prominent wine publication is ceasing its print operation and perhaps, all operations. The only news here is how un-news this appears to be.

This of course begs the question as to whether you know what your Wine Plus+ is because if you don’t you’re most likely screwed and hate-reading a mouthy wine commentary publication.

Do you happen to love non-alcoholic wine but hate the taste, smell, concept, press mentions, and general existence of it? It turns out you’re not alone because, hey, it just might suck!

From of the overflowing stacks in the Bureau of No Shit comes word that European cafés are apparently very much over digital nomads. A word to the wise (from those of us who lived through the original dot-com boom), they’re a lot like bed bugs in that once they’re in, they’re very, very hard to get rid of except for enforcing a firm, yet steady policy of “Fucking all the way off”.

Restaurants in California are going to be legally obligated to state what the actual price is as opposed to tacking on all kinds of "service fees" when you get the bill. What a stupefyingly-simple concept and it’s obviously going to be good for customers as, "restaurant owners are weary of the changes".

A clickbait piece [no link] asks, "Is Orange wine is the drink of summer"? Which of course it is, if this is summer of 2017. And instead of summer, it's actually the winter and instead of wine, we ask what spending “the entire night before just ripping cigarettes” would feel like if you were to make it into a wine. And about that “drink of the summer” bit,

Robert Simonson

would like a word or twenty on the subject.

Oh, you thought you’d reach this point in the newsletter and think that Western Civilization had stopped declining? Think again bucko as the French have freakin’ banned alcohol at the French Open. This is due to “disruptive” behavior which is to say that people were probably releasing ill-timed coughs. What’s next? Banning crack cocaine at all golfing events?!!

Apparently orangutans are able to make plant-based medicines that they claim are far more effective than not just bleach, but also Ivermectin. If anyone sees one of these apes (or top-knotted hipster) successfully using a rabbit ear corkscrew, you'll know that we're truly screwed.

Woody Harrelson has launched a drinks brand because what else is Woody Harrelson going to do? At some point every celebrity with a drink brand needs to be in a film with every other celebrity with a drink brand and we shall call said film, “The Undrinkables”. (Francis Ford Coppola won’t be included as ironically, his Inglenook wines are actually good, just not his latest films.)

And if you ever thought that grabbing a “casual” drink with a potential job interviewer was weird, inappropriate, and off, at least you didn't have to moo like a cow.

In case that obligation to moo took you by surprise because you didn’t read the small print, let us mention that sometimes, you might actually want to read the small print, because there’s free wine in it!

From the Desk of About Freakin' Time comes word that the Balearic Islands are enacting a ban on the sale of alcohol (ES) from 21:30 to 08:00. So basically, when in the Balearic Islands don’t go shopping around 08:00 or you will encounter some very, very unhappy souls.

What do Henry IV of France, a failed chicken dish, and Bourbon have in common? A damned funny read by

Michael Procopio

, that’s what!

Sad news from our sister publication the Bánh Mì Bulletin, in that it appears there was some horribly toxic bánh mì in circulation that’s landed some folks in the hospital. Clearly, the world is coming to an end when even the bánh mì goes bad.

And lastly, it turns out that wine and cheese can potentially stave off dementia. Why? Who cares! This is the wine and cheese health news we’ve all been waiting for!

Until we meet again, up in the cul of the cuvée.