Ain't no cocaine sharks in the Seine

The recently-random bits.

We at the CdC come to you from deep in the heart of summer with a special, Olympics Edition because yes, commas matter.

We’re happy to say that the biggest news beyond Snoop Dogg being the formidable Olympic cheerleader the US always needed is the fact that silver medal Italian gymnast, Giorgia Villa is an official ambassador for Parmigiano Reggiano and it’s as fantastic as it sounds. Nothing evokes the beauty of cheese like an elite athlete in her prime, who can probably bend steel beams in half with her pinky finger, sat atop glorious wheels of Parmesan.

It also needs to be noted that the fellow who vomited ten times after a triathlon (which is a race that requires a dip in the crisp, refreshing waters of the River Seine) didn’t do so because of river contamination, but because of this crazy thing called “pushing himself”. You know, like eating the full order of fries even though you’re totally full after the hamburger.

Positive for steroids? Well of course you are because, it's the hamburgers! At least this is how it works according to China in regards to its athletes, like… several times now. Because as we all know by the look of anyone who hits the burgers with regularity, it's an easy way to get your daily dose of steroids and get Olympic ripped.

Naturally it would be the Italian sports journalists covering the Olympics that claimed the press-room coffee is so undrinkable it seems to have been made with water from the triathlete-tainted Seine. There are additional reports that they assumed the French coffee would be, well, French coffee, and so they brought their own coffee machines from Italy with them.

And, as is often the case when trying to feed 15,000 people a day, the food at the Olympic Village is a bit lacking. Team Great Britain apparently flew in their own chef in what the French should view as a declaration of war. Various Olympians have given their reviews and while it looks pretty decent, it goes a long way to confirm why Lyon is France’s #1 food destination.

And what’s up with those damned sharks that are always working late and getting really irritable with co-workers?!! Well somehow the mutha fuckin’ sharks got their hands on some mutha fuckin’ cocaine! Only in Brazil. Or Florida. Florida should definitely have Cocaine Sharks.

In what is great news for everyone who loves a nice cortado in the perfect glass for it, the Duralex (not Durex…) glass factory in Orleans, France is back up and running (ES)! No more shifting about seedy backalleys via Wallapop for your coffee drinking vessel needs. If you know, you know, and CdC HQ, knows.

A mayor who is a member of the conservative PP party in Spain was interviewed by a journalist (ES) as they thought he was just a resident in the town and he didn’t tell them who he actually was. When asking the mayor in disguise about his opinion of himself, he said that the town supports him and he's very good. This immediately raised suspicions given that Spaniards hate absolutely all their politicians no matter which party.

We’ve let the CdC In House Sommelier out of his subterranean cave for commentary on the fact that 19th century Champagne bottles were found in a shipwreck off the coast of Sweden. His official take was, “For those who love an evolved sparkling wine, this shall meet all your needs and I recommend pairing…” Sorry, we’ve shoved him back down in the cave as it’s just better for everyone and we’ll think twice before making this grave error in judgment again.

And what’s that about judging? Because, is your dog judging what you drink? The simple answer is yes, but as always, he’s still a very, very good boy and maybe it’s time to upgrade from the Meiomi that seemed so approachable during Covid? Just sayin’, er… “woof, woof”.

From the Department of Go Back Under the Rock From Whence you Came is word of this “creation” which is “basically like a British burrito”. Admittedly, we at the CdC are in completely agreement that this is exactly like a British burrito, at least for everyone who has decided to give up on life and take down everyone else with them.

Never forget that they flew in their own chef, to France, from Britain, to cook… British food for the Olympian team? Seriously, let’s all just take a deep breath for a moment and then go get a French Tacos or an Olympian nine-egg sausage “shot put” burrito.

There’s good news for the National Fun Caucus that comprises the 2/3 of Americans that happen to like to drink alcohol. With the dropping out of Biden and the nomination of Harris, the race has gone from two teetotallers down to one as Harris does like a drink and preferably wine. It’s almost enough to raise a glass to celebrate, but we’d suggest waiting until at least November 6th, if not January 6th…

Oh, did you hear about the massive conference by SciTech DiploHub in Barcelona with huge names, including 1,300 world leaders? No, of course you didn’t as it didn’t actually happen. There’s been a lot of backpedaling by representative, Alexis Roig, which has all the earmarks of eternal Canadian swindler and conman, Aaron Timothy Brown.

From the Bureau of Just Park that Anywhere Buddy, for some reason a bus driver in the town of Reus parked his bus, sans passengers, in the middle of a fountain (CAT). Before you ask, yes, he was stone cold sober, but was clearly as tired of the recent heatwave as everyone else as well as the constant, “are we there yet” by people old enough to know better.

And naturally we close with, what else? Olive oil fraud! It’s not just the ‘ole switchamaroo of “Italian” oil being from Spain (the biggest producer in the world) but bigger issues of “extra virgin” oil being adulterated with lessor oils such as some from Israel that was found to contain “lampante oil” that’s not “considered not suitable for human consumption without further refining”. Prego!

Until we meet again, up in the cul of the cuvée.