Unlimited pineapples to see out summer

The recently-random bits.

Summer has come to an end here in the lands surrounding the CdC HQ. How do we know this? Because all the northbound highways are clogged with French cars, that’s how. Also, whether it be from mountains hikes or beach worship, we’re varying shades of darker, but the one thing we’re not is burnt to a blistered crisp. This may be a sign that the sun simply doesn’t like you.

And sure, summer is technically still around until the 21st of September, so maybe you’d like one last hurrah? If so, you need to step out of normal rosé and turn it up to freakin' 11 with a fat bottle of the un-yachtable, 'Screaming Devil', Whispering Angel’s disowned stepchild that was left behind at the gas station.

Via various sessions in the CdC Confessional Booth, we need to admit that there was a collective affogato rampage this summer, but here we must bow to what is the affogato to end all affogati. Bless us father, for we have partaken of these earthly, half-frozen, half-steaming pleasures.

Although maybe you’ve lost your will to live and aren’t into ice cream doused in coffee? Well then, just because it’s cooler doesn’t mean that you still can’t enjoy a fresh stick of butter in the remaining sunshine.

Do we all know this natty noodle? Yes, we all most definitely know this natty noodle who puts the ‘ug’ in ‘chugable’. Sure, “Talk to me about the meats.”

In a bit of Olympics throwback, Pakistani athlete, Arshad Nadeem, hurled a javelin over 100m to set an Olympic record. For his efforts he received: a gold medal and, once back home, a buffalo. He wasn’t quite as lucky as other Olympic winners in some countries who received colonoscopies for life—the gift that just keeps on giving.

Apparently the wine company, Australian Vintage saw a 2,400% reduction in profits. Were they taken over earlier by Elon Musk with more of his Tesla meme stock and now under his A1 leadership abilities, or what?

Are those… fake watermelons with drugs inside? Nope, ain't nothing here but us really fake watermelons with drugs inside. Move along, unless you’d like some drugs?

Hot from the Lonely Hearts Club Bureau, singles in Spain are “reportedly” attempting to pick up other singles at the Spanish supermarket chain, Mercadona. It works by putting a pineapple into your basket (ES) and lightly bumping into them into the wine aisle, if they are also with pineapple. Excessive pineapple fondling aside, it also forgets the fact that you're meeting people shopping at Mercadona, the lowest-quality supermarket in Iberia, and where hope goes to cry.

OMG! Meghan, Duchess of Sussex is speaking four words of Spanish! See, she was never one of us! Get her! Make it a headline!

Tired of buying all your flights when you need to fly as opposed to just buying them, like whenever? Well then, take advantage of an unlimited flights offer! Oh, it's with Wizzair... Could be worse and be with Ryanair… oh, Wizzair is somehow the worst airline for delays.

From our White House Press Desk we were wondering why it's taking so long to produce new Air Force One planes which are actually just remodels of current planes? One reason was finding a pile of mini Tequila bottles just dumped on the plane, where they’re being worked on. Looks like someone got into the beverage cart a bit too prematurely.

Also in from our sister publication, Asshole Airline Passengers Weekly, apparently “rawdogging” it (which doesn’t mean what it used to mean, although it will always infer that) for a flight is a thing. While it’s unknown if you have to look as psychopathic as football blondage, Erling Haaland to do it, it is known that you’re just a complete idiot if you do. Ryanair is however very interested to see how many amenities can be further removed without passengers revolting midair, causing one of the many Boeing Death Maxes in their fleet to crash and not just due to its being a Boeing Death Max.

This is quite a fine history of the Lytton Springs wine produced by Ridge in case you were wondering why it was simply “so danged tasty” all these years.

A 4,000 year-old dinner recipe has been translated, but what the authorities most likely haven’t come clean about is that all this time it simply said, “needs more salt”.

It’s come to our attention that apparently if the dinosaurs didn’t go extinct, then we probably wouldn’t have wine grapes. Additionally, we probably also wouldn’t have humans either, no matter what the current Jurassic World Dominion Extra Profit Maximum Sequels series says to the contrary.

And lastly, Croatia has seemingly had it with tourists on the coast or they wouldn't be allowing taxi drivers to charge 550€ for a 25km ride (ES) to the airport in Split. Although any region wishing to reduce tourists should promptly adopt these measures.

When asked for comment, our Georgian taxi driver in Tbilisi said, "Hey, it's not Paris and the Olympics here, but some days I charge Russians 1,000€ for the 25 minute ride to the airport. I call those days, week days."

Until we meet again, up in the cul of the cuvée.